I am finally unemployed. I had been working since I graduated college. That’s about 13 years… what a lucky number. I felt that I went through a lot. I grew up and started my career in the Philippines and moved to three countries (Saudi Arabia, U.S., and presently in Australia). So I am giving myself a pat on the back for braving through this life.

Of course, I didn’t really plan all of this. While I was still in school, I dreamed about walking in New York in a suit just like the movies I watched on TV. Well, I was able to achieve that, but not in New York; I went to Boston, which for me is a much cooler place.

Now I’m in Sydney. I really love it here, and I left my job 67 days ago (I used Excel to calculate this). I know, you have been dying to know how I got here, and there’s so much to write about the past. But, man/girl, I would like to focus on my unemployment.

My unemployed life is like a roller coaster without a seatbelt or any safety measure. Don’t get me wrong; I spent my days traveling, being in a caravan park, traveling from beach to beach, trying out new restaurants, and watching Netflix. I really enjoyed it, but there were days when I felt, ‘What am I doing?’ My anxiety is creeping on me, and my brain is telling me… you will be homeless, great job kid! When this happened or when I found myself spiraling into my own misery, I go to a nude beach just a 15-minute car ride / 45 e-bike ride from my place. Oh yes, it’s good to find yourself naked and looking at others, but it didn’t really help me because my willy shrinks in cold water. It’s small, so imagine it shrinking…what’s left? I put my headphones on and listen to Bob Marley and swim off into nakedness while the sand is scratching on my bottom. Being in a public place without your clothes is liberating. It’s silly doing it the first time, and I felt everyone’s eyes were locked on me, judging me or humiliating me about my body and my little willy. There you go, that’s why it’s liberating…I free myself from my own thinking. Nudist = Nobody cares. If you can read everyone’s mind, I’m pretty sure they don’t think about me or you…they think about what’s for dinner or their bills or their mistresses or their own sins, and nothing about you or me. Isn’t it a gift?

Going back to my unemployment.

Unemployment is a phase, and at some point in every human life, you will be unemployed or retired. Or maybe doing nothing and being just myself should be the very thing that makes me human, and employment is a bit of a distraction for us to feel who we are. Look, if you step back and think about the most memorable time you had in your life, it’s not in your cubicle in front of your laptop or even when you did great at work, it’s the time you spent doing your hobbies with yourself or the people around you. So I guess working is a facade to keep us away from the very thing that we own…our life? A big revelation, maybe the main reason I feel this way is I feel disconnected from the job I had. There could be other human beings out there who found some meaning in their work, which I was happy for them, and I wish it’s that easy to be in a place where the external (work) matches my internal.

Okay, I’m officially having a quarter-life crisis. I’m screaming ‘crisis.’ This was a bit late because I’m already 36. I’m still feeling like a child with big tantrums and sucking my thumb every time my old boss gaslights me.

I need to look for jobs, but I need to go through the interview process. Whoever invented ‘interview’ before being accepted in a job should be in hell. Seriously, it’s the most disturbing process. Who in their right mind thinks that it’s the best way to measure people by sitting down in front of them and asking them questions about what they do? Of course, people can lie just to be accepted. I have to face this reality that I need to go through the interview. My problem is I forgot how to talk without oversharing. One time, the interviewer asked me about what’s a bad boss and a good boss. I said that a good boss is someone who can handle pressure and stay grounded, while a bad boss is the opposite. I think the interviewer who would be my future boss is a bad boss. So it’s a trick question, and I didn’t get the job. It’s a blessing in disguise.

I wanted to add more to this story, but I have to prepare for my interview on Tuesday. Dear God, can you find me work because I’m broke.

Love,

Your Besty.